Attempt 1 status: failed?

Okay...so I never have been an expert at deadlines. My own, apparently, are no exception. But thankfully I don't consider it a complete failure. Not in the way that most of my "deadlines" have been utter busts over the years. This time, at the very least, I can say that I sat and grinded on my manuscript ALL. WEEKEND. LONG. From wake to crash I read, typed, retyped, read aloud until my eyes burned. And you know something? It felt good. It felt good to be motivated again.

For years this project has been with me, in the back of my mind and heart, waiting to show itself to the world. The characters screamed at me to finish their stories, to give them closure, and being their god I denied them...because I knew their futures. It didn't matter if the rest of the world knew. No one else appeared to give a damn anyway.

Now, even though I've sent word to close to fifty people and received maybe ten responses, I know that at least a few people are interested in taking a peek at the world I've created. As a god of my own little fictitious universe, this pleases me. I managed to hammer out a complete rewrite of the first chapter, sixteen pages, in two days. Might not sound like much, but coming from me, that is a lot. Especially considering that the second half of the book's final chapter, fifteen pages, took close to three months to finish.

What have I learned from this weekend? That I AM capable of being infused with motivation, after years spent dabbling and struggling to get a few lines down over the course of weeks. That there ARE people waiting for me to tie the pretty little bow around my life's work (yes, I consider 10 of 24 years my life's work). That I CAN outdo myself from time to time when I throw aside the limitations and work from freeflowing creativity. And that even though I may miss a deadline or two and disappoint a few friends, family and fans along the way, the end result can and WILL justify the delay. After a decade's worth of creating, fleshing out, designing, writing, dreaming, breathing, and ignoring my little fantasy world, I owe it to you, dear reader, to give you the best I have to offer.

Back to work. =)

Deadlines...this is new...

Even though this is the first official deadline I've set for myself (and any time I say "official" that just means I've said it to enough people to make my life hell if I don't follow through), it's still a daunting task to put a time cap on something. Perhaps the reason I did it is for practice, because I know that eventually...deadlines are going to be something I must perfect. Until now I've been very wishy-washy, saying things like, "Oh, I'll be done by the end of 2008," and then taking an additional six months to do just that. I can't count the times I've told myself and maybe a handful of others that I'd be done that weekend, that month, that year. Ugh.

Another reason, perhaps, is to keep myself motivated. Am I tricking my own mind? Possibly. But if it works, I can't really argue. The idea of having fifty people expecting something from me on a specific day and then not delivering churns my stomach. I couldn't handle disappointing that many people. And so here I am, glued to the couch for the second day in a row writing and rewriting.

To this day it amazes me how many transformations take place in a story over time. I think back to the original draft of Intrepid Earth that I wrote in high school and realize what absolute garbage the prose is to me, and at the time I was thinking, "Man! My writing can't get much better than this!" Boy, was I wrong. Now, writing the first chapter from scratch for the fourth time, I'm coming to understand something that I'm sure all published and successful authors struggle with: No piece is ever finished. It just reaches an acceptable point to give it to the world. I think forward to when my novel will be sitting on the shelves (nothing wrong with wishful thinking) and...sort of dread knowing that it will be final, that even if I go home and draft another version ten times better from scratch, that's it. It's on the shelves. Done.

*sighs* Best to make sure that the published version is kick ass to begin with, and then put it out of mind.